Should we be more 'Self-Centered'?

I like to give. Giving feels good. Giving to others has always been a constant in my life. Sharing with siblings, serving in the community, gift giving, or giving support. Don't you? Why are we so ready to give? (Okay, maybe I should stop making assumptions that we are all ready to give, but I am noticing that it's a pattern in health and medicine). Is there an element of giving that may be a subconscious (or conscious) escape for us? A way to avoid personal confrontation or personal struggle?

I give to you. This feels good. Because as a result, you feel good. And this is a beautiful thing. However, by constantly giving our services, we tend to lose touch with our own agenda and needs. Beyond this, our services may actually be disservices if we are not mindful, whole, and self-centered. Are my services to you the best possible service (the best, in terms of what I can give - cause, of course, that's subjective) and most genuine? I've have many conversations on the importance of giving to others and helping people around us.

Why do you want to be a doctor? 
Uh... well, uh, I want to help others!? 

I'm not disagreeing with this point. I believe you. But I do not believe we can fully help, or serve, others if we are not helping and healing (increasing overall awareness) within ourselves and our needs. 

I recently attended a class in my 'Community Doula' course that discussed the importance of self-centering.

[Side note -
Doula - huh?
Doula originates from the Ancient Greek word 'female slave.' Traditionally, a doula is a woman who supports the mama-to-be during this emotional and physically-changing time. Today, a doula who is trained as a doula through a DONA (Doula's of North America) certification offers continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after childbirth. Doula's do not catch babies. As one of the experienced doulas put it, "We are puddle sitters. We sit in their puddles." More on this later.]

Not only has this course given me non-western view on birth and pregnancy as a whole, I have gained personal tools to ensure pain, to support women, and to support myself. At a class I attended last week, we discussed the importance of centering the universe around your needs. You exist, thus you create and decide who you want to be orbiting your earth (you).  What do you choose to fill the most proximal orbital to your core elemental being? (do you see my incorporation of Bohr's model?) We have choice... we do! I mean, for those you say it's already written, I don't buy it. We are changing our destiny each moment. The placement of your loved ones, your spirituality, your work, or your neighbors is your decision. But you are the core, the center. We forget about this when we are busy helping and fixing those around us. We can connect to a deeper level with others when we are centered. This is crucial as a doula because your service is to the mother. When you step into that room to support this mother, you are there to accept and support her choices around birth while actively listening. If you are fighting off your personal demons and caught up with your needs, you are no longer being as effective as you could be. At this point, you need to set your NEEDS aside. It seems paradoxical...

This has been a constant struggle for me, because I know it's much easier to live life trying to heal, mentor, or support others. I believe if we find our passion, our purpose, and dive into it wholeheartedly, our ability to give to others will be infinitely greater. If we make priorities for what matters (and this means we have to know what matters to us... and that's a tough question if you haven't been asking it) and start offering your services (or changing them) when you are internally prepared (or enlightened), we diminish this stress and anxiety and become much more centered.

Even Betty Friedan highlights on this. In The Feminine Mystique, Friedan laments about the identity of the woman post-WWII (before the Second Wave of Feminism) and being trapped into this lifestyle that revolves around being the passive housewife. Much of this is based on societal norms and influence - an educational system that patronizes women or business tactics that perpetuates housewifery.

"It is easier to live through her husband and children than to make a road on her own in the world. For she is the daughter of that same mom who made it so hard for girl as well as boy to grow up. And freedom is a frightening thing. It is frightening to grow up finally and be free of passive dependence. " The woman is caught up in the lives of others, busy running around, with a laundry list of tasks to complete before her husband comes home. Of course she is cleaned, dressed well, and patiently awaiting, with a cocktail in hand, for the moment he returns.


Unhappiness for women was such a taboo. It was a "problem that had no name." The nuclear family appeared so great. Possibly perfect? Precisely. That's the problem. When something appears perfect, that is usually a red flag. 

The perpetuation of this problem is something that is present in our society today too. Diverting back to self-centering, we have an issue talking about our personal needs and obstacles because we weren't raised to voice these issues. This is not an easy task, because there is a stigma against talking about your feelings and needs. We don't like to ask for help and, even worse, we don't know how to ask for help. However, we have to support each other in this process.  Usually this means just asking for a break, asking for a moment of quiet space.  If we cultivate a lifestyle that involves self-centering, we can go into each door with a little more personal praise and respect - and then we can truly help.

The Tao Te Ching says it best. 
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” 


[Beautiful mama-inspired art work-- >
New Beginnings by Heather Gailey
http://threadbareart.wordpress.com/category/art-journal-entries/ ]